I don’t feel stable enough - like keen to detail or uh, matur. It’s hard to explain what I’m trying to say but in Chinese I think it’s 稳当. I guess it could be defined as responsible. I’m too wacky and immature most of the time I think it rubs off the wrong way in important situations. There’s that one kid that knows what he’s doing but doesn’t seem like he does. That’s sort of me. Maybe that’s why people don’t trust me. I don’t act the part. People that do however, they talk slow, they check over their work several times, and they’re usually give pinnacle explanations when trying to convey stuff. I know a few people like that. They’re usually pretty excellent. I wish I was more like that.
Wow, just dug through some old picture. Never thought I changed so much these years. Growing up sucks.
Okay, I’ve been sick and I’m sure my classmates have gotten tired of me sniffing in class like some kind of a drug addict. Bleh. Thank gosh there is a long weekend - hopefully I’m be better by Tuesday. I really want to go out go though. I think the rain is going to stop too. Oh wells.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed girls getting prettier and prettier but one day I realized how ignorant I was at noticing makeup. I think It was last year. A lot of girls I knew just went through this transition period where they dressed nicer and just overall looked more appealing. I remember my mom telling me how teenage girls would change a lot before they’ve turned 18 blahblah but I thought she meant physical change as in like puberty; grow boobs or longer hair or something like that - not fucking discover sephora. It sort of ruined everything and it sort of didn’t. I didn’t mind at first simply because I was sort of in denial since I’ve honestly thought the blush they had on their face was natural or that their eyes just happened to have dark shading around it. But until after thinking about it, it became obvious when a person’s face just happened to look appealing one day and not the other. For a while it feel disappointing because people I talked to were uglier than they appeared but eventually I realized I don’t actually mind the glitter and glam. I feel like I should though because who doesn’t like natural beauty? Thing is however, it’s just bit of society that probably won’t ever change so I think I’ve sort of just accepted that. Which kinda sucks.
There’s actually a bunch of people I’d love to get to know and hang out with more but never do. Like, I never take the initiative anymore.